Saturday, January 19, 2013

2 years Ago Today

In this picture: 
Mayzie is 6 months old. She's just started to act like she might crawl around and is getting the hang of eating solid food.  She loves to play in the jumper that hangs between our dining room and living room, and will play in the exer-saucer for at least 1/2 an hour.  She is a content baby who wants for nothing, and the only real time she cries is for the 5 minutes after I leave her with the babysitter at the gym.  

Annika is 2 1/2 years old.  She's rambunctious and wiggly and into everything.  She is sweet and cuddly and slowly falling in love with her sister, who now actually interacts with her.  She loves to make Mayzie laugh, and to play dress-up.  She's very proud to sleep in a big girl bed and to wear underpants, though we continue to have a few accidents with both.  She knows the words to the chorus of Katy Perry's California Girls, which makes her daddy sad, and she loves to try to climb around in the 3 foot tall snow in our backyard. 

I'm 32 here.  I've just turned in my 7th of 9 large funding proposals that I'll submit that school year and I'm stressed working on revisions to my 1st qualifying exam.  I have no idea whether or not we're going to Germany in the Fall yet (only 8 months away), and am pretty stressed about the whole thing.  I've been a SAHM for the past 7 months, since just before Mayzie was born, and sometimes the best part of my week is when my friend Meagen takes Annika for the day so I can get some work done while Mayzie naps and go to Target with just a baby along in a carseat.  I don't see enough of my husband, but I'm hoping that's only temporary.  My house is really unorganized, and I have neither the will nor the money to make that happen.  My panic attacks usually come in the middle of the night, when I wake up in a frenzied sweat worrying about things that are out of my control.  The stress of graduate school is really getting to me right about this time.  I haven't started receiving funding rejections, but I will soon.  I reluctantly admit that I dislike staying at home with my girls all day long, though I know I will never regret spending as much time with them as I have been able to.  It is hard to be truly thankful for what you have when you know that you really need to be doing some other work. 

Now: I wish I would have enjoyed that time more.  I miss Meagen.  I miss all my friends who would come over and sit and talk with me while my kids entertained us with their giggles.  I'm isolated because of my dissertation, but also because we're in a new town far away from my school, school mates, and other friends.  I'm slowly making friends here, but making mommy friends is dangerous territory sometimes.  I'm thankful for the friends I have made on-line especially for their amelioration of my isolation.  Their comradery makes this that much better, and I cherish every one of you who read this blog.  Two years ago, I hadn't even thought of making a blog yet.  Look at us now.  

8 comments:

  1. I feel you on the isolation. I've been in this place for three years, and I still have a very small circle of people. I guess that's ok. I'd rather a small, carefully selected circle than a large, indiscriminate one.

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    1. Exactly! Better quality than quantity.

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  2. Can I second that trying to make Mommy friends in a new town with a different culture (even though I am still.in the US) is very dangerous territory!! Cloth diapering and backyard gardens do NOT mean the same thing in Mississippi that they do in Indiana. :/
    <3 to you guys!!

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    1. Leah, I can only imagine the challenges of finding a like mind there. Good luck and much <3 to you all too.

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  3. I miss you, too!!! So much! And I completely agree with "making mommy friends is dangerous territory sometimes." I can't believe it's been 2 years since this photo! That's it. It's been too long. (throws down the gauntlet) We need to plan a road trip.

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    1. Seriously!! Maybe we should meet up in Cincinnati to see Stefanie's new baby?

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  4. I love your flashback moment! As far as the mom friend thing, I have a time-tested 12-page application that I provide to all potential mom friends. I then pay for an extensive background check and covertly pluck a few hairs for drug testing. Seriously, the mom friends come. The good ones will come naturally and without much effort. My advice? Whenever a potential mom friend starts out the relationship with a high-drama revelation too soon, RUN. Once you have kids, there is just no more room for those needy friends you accrued throughout your 20s. Easy-breezey is my motto (not that I dump my friends once drama hits, but I just can't START on that note anymore).

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    1. Thanks for the advise Marianne! If only I was in Chicago, this would be so much simpler. :-)

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