Thursday, April 18, 2013

Apathetic Adolescent Apologies

Mama Kat asked us to write about a time we had to apologize, and this was the first story that came to my mind.  I am typically quick to apologize now, being that I'm adult and a little less pig-headed than when I was a teenager.  This story will NOT make you like me but it WILL make you laugh.  If this is your first time here, I promise that I'm not like this anymore.

It happened when I was 13.  My brother and I had just moved in with my dad and stepmom and we were having a difficult time adjusting.  It was a very difficult transition further complicated by the facts that we were 11 and 12 at the time of the move and our stepmother had never expected us to move in with them.  She was young (not even 30 yet if memory serves) and only had one daughter of her own who was then only 6 or 7, I've forgotten at this point.  Six months after we moved in with them, it was evident that things were not going smoothly.

I don't even remember what precipitated my ridiculous retaliation toward my step-mom.  It was probably something stupid like her requiring that I shower at night instead of in the morning.  Whatever it was, it surely did NOT warrant the revenge I sought on her that night.

I do remember feeling very strongly that I was in the right at the time and that I should exact some sort of revenge for whatever wrong had been done to my teenage self.  I also remember for some reason being either allowed or required to shower in my dad & stepmom's bathroom.

I plotted.
I schemed.
What could I possibly do to make her "suffer" as much as she was making me suffer right at that very moment?
How could I make her understand exactly how angry I was?
Where was that soft spot I could hit her to make it sting?

Standing in the shower, I had an epiphany.
There sat her exorbitantly expensive bottle of Redken shampoo.  It was only about 1/2 full.  She loved that shampoo and fought my dad to still buy it even when the budget was tight.

I finished my shower, and got out.  I opened the cabinet under the sink and took out the bottle.  I reached back in the shower and grabbed the Redken shampoo and slowly started to ooze the other bottle into the narrow neck.  I squeezed to make it go faster, replaced both caps, shook up the shampoo to mix it, and finished by rinsing and wiping the evidence away.  I had done it.  All there was to do was wait.

The next morning I awoke to a SCREAM from the opposite end of the house in the shower of their bathroom.  Cha-ching (it was the 90s), I had DONE IT.

Alas, the scream was only one of anger.  My intended result was not achieved.  She'd smelled it as she lathered it up and rinsed it out right away.  I was to be punished.

I got grounded for a month and was required to purchase a new bottle of shampoo with my own money.  Naturally, my teenage mind did NOT think it fair, but in retrospect it really was.  I mean, how would you punish a teenager who put Nair into your expensive bottle of shampoo?

I apologized begrudgingly to my stepmom, and the prank became legend among my friends.  Regardless of the required apology and requisite punishment, I'm pretty sure my teenage self still won that battle in the end.

I'm pretty sure this kid is going to be the teenage nightmare revenge monster for all of my previous transgressions though.  

Mama’s Losin’ It

22 comments:

  1. OH my word, Hillary! I had no idea you had it in you! The teenaged me would give you a high five... the 35 year old me is chuckling...

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  2. too funny! good thing for her she smelled it!

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    1. It could have been SOOO much worse!!

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  3. I had no idea of the depths of your teenage depravation. You are in TWUBLE, Mama!

    Still...it was kinda funny.

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    1. Such a compliment that I made you laugh. :-)

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  4. hahaha. Kudos to her for not packing you up and sending you to boarding school. That stuff IS expensive. ;)

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    1. I don't even know how much it costs now, but I remember it being more than a week's worth of my allowance at the time. I probably would have LOVED boarding school though at that point.

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  5. NAIR?? Dang, girl! YOu must have been really pissed! Did her hair fall out? (That's really what my "kid of divorce" head wants to know.)

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    1. Thankfully, she rinsed it out before any real damage was done. It could have been soo much worse.

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  6. You have a dark gift for evil:) I am mega impressed at your teenage scheming.

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    1. I've certainly honed my talents for evil in the years since to be much sneakier. Mmmwahahahaha.

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  7. That would have been a good one. I'm kinda glad it didn't work (you may have never seen the light of day again), but man what a plot!

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    1. I'm sure I would have been locked up for a LOOOONG time had it actually worked.

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  8. I wonder: Does one ever grow to love the terrible person who requires them to shower at the wrong hour?

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    1. Funny enough, we still keep in contact 20 years after she and my dad divorced. I guess I made up for being such a jerk at some point. :-)

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  9. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm your newest follower. Wow! Nair in the shampoo is one I haven't heard before! You ARE a legend!
    Justin Knight- Writing Pad Dad
    Writing Pad Dad Blog

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    1. Thanks Justin! It is LEGEND-ARY for sure.

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  10. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. That is LEGEND!! Imagine what your punishment would have been if all of her hair had been destroyed?! I bet she slept with one eye open after that!

    So glad you're not that angry 12 year old any more...but I'm going to stay on your good side just in case!! :D --Lisa

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    1. Always a good idea, just ask that guy I put in prison...seriously. He totally deserved it in a real way though, not in an offended adolescent way!

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  11. Wow...that is a spectacular stunt. Can only imagine the horrific aftermath if stepmom had not smelled the stuff. Although how could anyone ever NOT smell Nair in an instant? Whoof.

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    1. Seriously, I should have been sneakier.

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