Monday, September 23, 2013

STRESS Expressions

I sincerely HATE when my body has to remind me that I'm trying to do too much and I need to slow down.  Today, the day before I make a HUGE presentation, my body has decided to remind me that I need to back off the pressure cooker that I've created for myself.  The somatic expression of my stress is not a new thing, but that doesn't mean it is welcome either.

My stress pains start between my shoulders.  The muscles that wrap around my shoulder blades start to twitch and the tops of my shoulders turn into rocks of muscle-y flesh.  Next comes the jaw-clenching which eventually results in tension headaches. Then my entire spine from between my shoulders to where my head rests starts to feel like every muscle is contracted at once, and I can hardly turn my head.  The PAIN is very very much real, as is the stress that I'm trying much too hard to ignore right now.

I can't stay in bed.  I can't lay flat without shooting pains in my spine.  I can't turn my head.

This happened once before, in Germany, and I went to see a doctor that was only semi-helpful.  She might have been more helpful if she hadn't embarrassed the crap out of me BOTH times I went to see her.  I stayed in bed for at least 5 days before even seeking help that then didn't even help me.  I don't want to do that again.

But today, today I HAVE to make myself feel better.  I HAVE to be able to move around without crying.  I HAVE to be able to look and feel good tomorrow for my presentation.  So today I will try to stretch.  I will try to relax.  I will try not to vomit in the steam room of my gym.

Here's hoping the stress wanes long enough for me to pretend to be smart, pretty, and talented for an hour tomorrow morning.

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